professornana (professornana) wrote,

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I lost my Dad today. He had been having major health issues of late, and underwent successful surgery yesterday. It looked as though the ,am we called Superman would bounce back once again. But the call came this morning to let me know he had a student turn for the worse and passed away. As everyone who has ever suffered a loss, I wish I had been there to say goodbye. I wish I had traveled with my sisters to see him this summer. I didn't, and that unreasoning guilt stings.

My parents divorced when I was young, and I never had the chance to spend as much time with my Dad as I would have liked. The times we did have are wonderful, warm, sunny memories. Eating hamburgers for breakfast (don't tell on me, he cautioned me), sitting and visiting when he would come to Texas for a visit or when I traveled to Florida to see him. We laughed easily when we were together. We never lacked for things to talk about. We both loved cars and driving. He loved to read, and we talked books. Ex-Pittsburgh dwellers meant we talked Pirates, Penguins, and Steelers, too.

My favorite memory? My friend Martha Magner (who I still miss every single day) and I were in Florida for a conference and Dad and Susan came to visit us one evening. When I excused myself rom the table, apparently Dad told Martha how proud he was of me and my accomplishments. I hold that close right now. It is not that I ever doubted his love or pride. But it was nice to know he told others, too.

I will miss him, no doubt. But i have those memories of learning to dip French fries in chocolate shakes, to eat anything for breakfast we wanted, to stay connected even though apart much of the time. I am holding on to them today.
Tags: loss, memories
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